The Joy of Cooking Milhouse

“Brush With Greatness,” season 2, episode 18

I get frequent requests for a few Simpsons dishes that haven’t appeared on the blog yet, and this towering microwaved rice cake diet sandwich is one of them. What prompts Homer to make this monstrosity?

In “Brush With Greatness,” Bart and Lisa force Homer to take them to Mt. Splashmore where he suffers the humiliation of getting stuck in a water slide. After watching the footage of a crane hoisting him out on the evening news, Homer realizes he’s overweight and decides to diet. “As god is my witness, I’ll always be hungry again!”

Homer makes the mistake of starting his diet on pork chop night. Instead of his favorite food, he is served a plate of steamed vegetables and rice cakes. Marge gives him permission to put “a little something on top for flavor,” which leads to this sandwich (“only 35 calories!”).

While looking for Homer’s old exercise equipment, they find Marge’s old paintings of Ringo Starr. Marge decides to take a painting class to rediscover her love of art and she is marvelous! One of her pieces appears at the Springfield Art Fair and wins first prize, which earns her the “honor” of painting a portrait of Montgomery Burns.

Marge attempts to find his inner beauty but instead finds him to be repugnant. Luckily, Ringo is finally catching up on his fan mail and replies to Marge’s portrait just in time to deliver some much-needed encouragement.

Homer loses some weight and the doughnut guy freaks out because no one is eating all of the pastries at work (“I just bought a boat!”). Homer is proud of himself before Mr. Burns tears him a new one, but he pivots to being a supportive husband and encourages Marge to paint. Her portrait of a naked Mr. Burns is a big hit at the art museum opening (even though she makes fun of his genitalia).

While we get a good look at Homer’s rice cake sandwich, we can only guess the ingredients. There’s definitely plenty of cheese, a few olives, and lettuce. I used turkey for the meat, avocado, and the classic condiments. Fill your’s with whatever you like and pretend it’s just 35 calories.

Rice Cake Diet Sandwich

3 rice cakes
4 slices deli turkey
3 lettuce leaves
1/2 avocado, sliced
3-4 slices cheese
4 olives
Condiments (mayo, mustard, etc)

Precariously stack up the ingredients. I do not recommend that you microwave this sandwich since it contains avocado, fresh lettuce, and rice cakes. If you insist on being faithful to the show, microwave for just a few seconds to lightly melt the cheese.

Note: This thing will not fit in your mouth and fill fall apart into a million pieces as you eat it.

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